Caribou Barbie (Palin) gets OWNED in Canada

From AP:
TORONTO - Sarah Palin unwittingly took a prank call Saturday from a Canadian comedian posing as French President Nicolas Sarkozy and telling her she would make a good president someday.

"Maybe in eight years," replies a laughing Palin.

The Republican vice presidential nominee discusses politics, the perils of hunting with Vice President Dick Cheney, and Sarkozy's "beautiful wife," in a recording of the six-minute call released Saturday and set to air Monday on a Quebec radio station.

Palin campaign spokeswoman Tracey Schmitt confirmed she had received the prank call.

"Governor Palin was mildly amused to learn that she had joined the ranks of heads of state, including President Sarkozy and other celebrities, in being targeted by these pranksters. C'est la vie," she said.

The call was made by a well-known Montreal comedy duo Marc-Antoine Audette and Sebastien Trudel. Known as the Masked Avengers, the two are notorious for prank calls to celebrities and heads of state.

Audette, posing as Sarkozy, speaks in an exaggerated French accent and drops ample hints that the conversation is a joke. But Palin seemingly does not pick up on them.

He tells Palin one of his favorite pastimes is hunting, also a passion of the 44-year-old Alaska governor.

"I just love killing those animals. Mmm, mmm, take away life, that is so fun," the fake Sarkozy says.

He proposes they go hunting together by helicopter, something he says he has never done.

"Well, I think we could have a lot of fun together while we're getting work done," Palin counters. "We can kill two birds with one stone that way."

The comedian jokes that they shouldn't bring Cheney along on the hunt, referring to the 2006 incident in which the vice-president shot and injured a friend while hunting quail.

"I'll be a careful shot," responds Palin.

Playing off the governor's much-mocked comment in an early television interview that she had insights into foreign policy because "you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska," the caller tells her: "You know we have a lot in common also, because ... from my house I can see Belgium."

She replies: "Well, see, we're right next door to different countries that we all need to be working with, yes."

When Audette refers to Canadian singer Steph Carse as Canada's prime minister, Palin replies: "Well, he's doing fine and yeah, when you come into a position underestimated it gives you an opportunity to prove the pundits and the critics wrong. You work that much harder." Canada's prime minister is Stephen Harper.

Palin praises Sarkozy throughout the call and also mentions his wife Carla Bruni, a model-turned-songwriter.

"You know, I look forward to working with you and getting to meet you personally and your beautiful wife," Palin says. "Oh my goodness, you've added a lot of energy to your country with that beautiful family of yours."

The Sarkozy impersonator tells Palin his wife is "so hot in bed" and then informs her that Bruni has written a song for her about Joe the Plumber entitled "Du rouge a levres sur une cochonne" — which translates as "Lipstick on a Pig."

Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama derided his Republican challenger John McCain's call for change in Washington as "lipstick on a pig," days after Palin made a lipstick joke at the Republican convention. The McCain-Palin campaign then released an ad implying Obama was calling Palin a pig with that remark.

The caller asks Palin if Joe the Plumber is her husband and adds: "We have the equivalent of Joe the Plumber in France. It's called Marcel, the guy with bread under his armpit."

He also tells the Alaska governor that he loved the "documentary" made about her and referred to a pornographic film with a Palin look-alike made by Hustler founder Larry Flynt.

She answers tentatively, "Ohh, good, thank you, yes."

The callers then reveal the prank and identify themselves and their radio station.

"Ohhh, have we been pranked?" Palin asks before handing the phone to an aide who ends the call.

Obama's campaign spokesman Robert Gibbs, commenting on the prank, said: "I'm glad we check out our calls before we hand the phone to Barack Obama."

Uniquely Arizona humor

There is a disclaimer posted below this joke to appease the easily-offended.

Sheriff Joe Arpaio is inspecting his tent city jail one afternoon and notices that there are LOTS of pigeons flying about all the time. The tents are covered in pigeon shit and worse yet one of them shit on his Lexus. He's gotta do something. So of course he implements a temporary fix for the problem and puts the prisoners to work cleaning the roofs of the tents. It's a little extra laundry expense for their pink clothes but so what, it's only 112 degrees that day so it won't kill 'em. He's a great guy so everyone who volunteers gets an extra nearly-expired-bologna-product sandwich with their tray that night. Everybody wins right? But it doesn't solve the problem.

He gets on his county-paid-cell-phone with one of his biggest contributors. The buddy is in Honduras working on Joe's retirement program, er, anti-gang liason with the Honduran police. No matter, Maricopa County can pick up the tab for the international call. After they chat a couple ten minutes Joe finally asks for a recommendation about a pigeon exterminator. He gets the number, talks a few minutes more since hey, it's on the county's dime and then calls the exterminator.

The exterminator is a good guy, he's contributed a lot to Joe's campaigns. He says, "Joe, Maricopa County and its people have been really good to me over the 21 years I've lived here. My business has been better than I could ever imagine. So I'll tell you what - make you a deal. I will take care of your problem for FREE. HOWEVER this is an important part of the deal. You must NOT ask me any questions about my method or the price will be one million dollars."

Joe figures, hmm... FREE! When it's over I can issue a national press release about how I go to great lengths to save taxpayer dollars!

A couple days later Joe gets a call from one of his deputies at the jail. "JOE! You ain't gonna believe this but the pigeons are GONE! Oh, and by the way he sent a white guy to do the job so we didn't check immigration papers."

Joe says, "Oh, that's immaterial. You know this guy's on that list of businesses we don't check too much but -- hey, you are on your special cellphone the liberal media can't listen in on right?"

"Of course boss! It's one of these new phones from that high-tech Israeli company - is it true the FBI can't even hear us? Oh and can we get some new ones that don't have these... I don't know what the hell it is kinda lettering on the keys. It's impossible to text my girlfriend!"

"Uhm, I think its called hebrew or something. But you're asking me too many goddamn questions on the phone - get to the point. What happened?!"

"Well we didn't know what to think of it. He brought this ONE BRIGHT BLUE PIGEON in a cage. We weren't sure how to check up the bird's ass for drugs so we had him set up outside the perimeter fence. It scared away all those guys who are always running up to the fence and throwing those little packets over that the prisoners run like hell to grab and hide."

"Goddamn it," Joe said. "Well at least it was probably a few of the guys who don't donate to our Deputies for Kids program that got scared away but you gotta be careful about that so we don't lose money. But you're talking too goddamn much. What the fuck happened next?"

"Well, he opened the cage and the blue pigeon flew out. ALL OF THE OTHER PIGEONS SAW IT and they all flew in a big flock straight south. One of the deputies down south in Gila Bend saw the whole flock still headed south!"

"I'll be damned. And all the fuckin' pigeons are gone?"

"Yes SIR!"

"Ok thanks."

Joe grabs his regular phone and gets the exterminator on the line. "Buddy, I gotta tell you, we're amazed at the pigeon job. My deputies report they're 100% gone! But I have just one question..."

The guy cuts him off and says, "Joe! remember our deal! If I answer a question you're committing that Maricopa County is going to get a bill for a million bucks! Channel 15 and that goddamn weekly newspaper will be all over you and this is an election year!"

"Fuck it, " Joe says. "If you can help with this other problem I got, I will win re-election again by a landslide! I GOTTA KNOW! DO YOU HAVE ANY BLUE MEXICANS?"


Disclaimer:
I posted this with some hesitation because it could be misconstrued in several ways.

I've altered the joke (which I heard from a conservative person) so its not quite so local or so anti-democrat. It'll be just as funny (un-PC) and it's a real BIG local issue on both sides of the political fence. If you live in Phoenix for any length of time and drive a car any distance you will eventually be in an accident where it's hit and run. Might be hit and drive away, might be the driver abandons the car and runs away. This is due to our progressive laws (<--- sarcasm) that do not provide for undocumented immigrants to get drivers licenses or register vehicles or get insurance, but they pay cash for cars and risk it for everyone.

I have had one of these accidents and it cost me $300 out of pocket to fix - could have claimed part of it against my insurance but y'all know how THAT works. God forbid you should file a claim. So that's (one of the) reasons the joke is funny - but it's also more than a bit racist especially told in its original version. I have kept the punch line and the main element of the joke but I've otherwise edited it so much as to be unrecognizable, it'll just make it nationally recognizable and turn it around as anti-republican. I am NOT racist against anyone and I make no snap judgements about a person's status in a country based on their perceived nationality.

There may be other issues in here that don't appear to be funny -
#1, Why is the Maricopa County Sheriffs Office spending ANY money or time IN HONDURAS? It's been in the media... How is this a county sheriff's function? Wouldn't this be something done at an international level?

#2, it's an open secret that it's easy to stay high the whole time you're in tent city, you just gotta have a buddy run up to the fence and toss you the drugs while the too-few deputies aren't looking (or more likely paid to go on break).

Lastly, the bit about hebrew on cell phone buttons is entirely literary license and should not be construed as anti-semitic. Some of the highest quality and most secure microelectronics are created in Israel at offices of a company called NDS. If you subscribe to a satellite service branded DirecTV or SKY, you have Israeli technology attached to your TV: the smartcard in the receiver (which in plain language can both de- or re-activate your service for non-payment, controls which channels you receive and authorizes pay-per-view purchases) is made by NDS. At present (and for really the past few years) DirecTV and SKY branded services have not had the gigantic problems with signal theft that other encryption schemes continue to suffer.

Lastly, to my knowledge I am not making any credible accusations of illegality against Mr. Arpaio and his staff. Mr. Arpaio has chosen to make himself an internationally-known public figure and thus is fair game to poke some fun at.