Expensive devices that tell you the obvious

Since starting a so-far successful small business, I spend a lot more time in my car.

Phoenix traffic is not to be messed with. It's not as bad as I recall in, say, Atlanta but then my travel patterns avoid the really bad spots. Unsolicited advice: with the real estate market crashing - if you're on the market for a first house or by some miracle you don't owe more on your current house than its worth don't even consider the far western 'burbs like Goodyear, Peoria, etc. Anyone living there loses two hours out of every day to traffic if they work downtown Phoenix or in Tempe.

A radar detector was a necessity. Photo radar vans are a scourge and that extra couple of seconds of notice via the Ka-band indicator on the detector is nice. But it also adds background noise because it false alarms on door openers, alarm systems and who knows what else. Some California highway patrol officers tend to drive with their radar system "always-on" so you get a nice heads up that the 5-0 is coming towards you.

Tonight it did something new that I didn't know it had in its repertoire. I could see the fire truck parked facing into traffic on the wrong side of the road, it had been there the entire time I was in the supermarket. When I turned out of the supermarket and was facing dead on at the fire truck - like 50 yards from it or less - it made a noise that I've never heard it make and it said "Emergency vehicle approaching."

Huh, that was obvious. (Yes, this stuff talks and makes other noises. With all the beeps and chimes and announcements you'd think you were shopping in some strange department store with an overly-active PA system.)

I'd been using my XM radio to occasionally check out the Phoenix traffic channel. However, you have to reach over to the radio and fiddle with it to change to that channel which is dangerous... Then you have to wait until they describe traffic in the part of the valley where you happen to be. On the northeast side of the valley I can usually decipher where they are talking about - but the other 3/4 is a mystery. It wasn't doing the job.

I stopped trying to use that and just listened to my usual music or the uncensored comedy channel (something I keep reminding myself I *cannot* turn on at the office)... From time to time I'd just wait or be delayed.

So I bought a GPS. I wanted a decent screen size and the ability to have meaningful interaction between the computer and the device - the ability to upload updated map data. It started out with the USA and Canada for detailed maps. Then I bought detailed map data for all of Mexico. A trip into Tijuana on foot is one thing, by car is quite another. But with the device to guide, it's not so bad. (Just have to be really careful to hide everything when you park, park someplace with security and TIP THE SECURITY GUY BEFORE YOU LEAVE YOUR CAR.)

Well the GPS was an offshoot of a Costco membership. I discovered the concept of "points of interest" and uploaded a file to the gizmo that has the location of every Costco outlet with a gas station. Their gas is usually as cheap in price as Arco (the lowest priced chain at least in Phoenix) but without the scammy 45-cent debit card fee that gets tacked on at Arco. I was heading out on a road trip and decided that I wanted a really exact answer to the question, "Are we there yet?"

The GPS came with a source of somewhat useless data - an MSN data subscription. The FM receiver that picks up the silent data signal (available in most major cities - this does you no good if you live in Montana) gets information about local weather, movies playing at nearby theaters and traffic.

All of this is fed into a device you're really not supposed to mess with while driving. One cannot turn this device on without "agreeing" to a warning that says that the information displayed on the screen will distract you from the road and that interacting with the device while in motion "can cause injury or even death." But hey, when you're stopped at a red light - or as is often the case in the Phoenix metro area - you're stopped nine blocks back from the red light and not going to go anywhere for a long time, you futz with it.

It will display the temperature where you're located. You could also get this information by rolling down the window. Thankfully, this is one of the few pieces of information that it does not speak.

Thanks to another web site that had other points of interest, I get a monthly update of where all the new traffic red light / speed cameras are installed. Upon approaching an intersection that has red light cameras, it chimes and keeps chiming every so often until you've passed the "threat."

Sometimes it will speak very important information. "US 60 East is closed five miles ahead. Exit immediately at the next exit...." Then the device proceeds to detour you around the highway closure.

At other times, not so much. I was on the 101 going back to the office and I came over a small hill to see that most of the cars had their brake lights on and traffic was jammed. Just as I stepped on my brakes it said, "Warning, slow traffic ahead." Well no shit...

The reaction of people with whom I'm talking on the phone (that's what one does to pass time in the car, right?) varies. "You're kidding that the inside of your car makes all that noise, you're inside a store right?" to "Who is that bossy bitch sitting next to you?" The devices have female voices, what can I say.

In an ideal world it would learn the routes you drive and not chime so frequently about a red light camera only 1 mile from home. In an ideal world it would say "Warning, slow traffic ahead" before you went over the top of that hill.

But it's nice to be routed around traffic so efficiently. I just hope the cumulative time I spend assembling and disassembling the system for each trip (keep it in view and your glass is going to get smashed) doesn't outlast the amount of time all the wizardry saves on a day-to-day basis.