A former latin american exile writes about life..

Ok so I gave up a comfy boring life to go live in South America. Lots have suggested that I write about my experiences, so here it finally is.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

health insurance companies look out, there's new competition!

Looks like Jack Kevorkian got out of jail today. Unlike some of the doctor's patients, some of those patients in the care of big health insurers' computers don't choose to die...

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Downtown Scottsdale, summed up in one picture.

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Tuesday, May 29, 2007

RCTV shutdown in Venezuela, so what, you ask?

The biggest problem with the shutdown of RCTV is its one less source of news for the populace. Yeah, newspapers are available - but when a newspaper costs a rather large percentage of your daily income, are you going to buy one or catch the TV news? If you can't afford a daily paper you're not likely to have cable either.

I liked Chavez' attitude originally but now that I hear that he's targeting another private television station over some probably-imagined assassination plot, not so much.

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Teletubby murse sparks belated controversy in Poland

Maybe its happening in honor of Jerry Falwell's death, but the 1999 controversy about the Teletubbies has resurfaced in Poland.

http://www.theregister.com/2007/05/29/teletubbies_probe/

Maybe they're empowered by something they saw on TV from Moscow?

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Friday, May 25, 2007

Monthly birthday celebration in two-dot-oh land

Oh my, I've SO heard enough of Tupac for the week. What falls outta his mouth in a conference room is mind-boggling. Everything that's said there's some little too-personal anecdote.

Although, one could argue that that's what this is, but tough shit - you landed here somehow dear reader.

So it's a three-day weekend. Just hanging out with the dog and waiting for the other shoe to drop on something BIG that'll make my damn day if it actually happens.

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ciao and good luck Larry Beaver


Damn, last one out shut off the lights. Turnover in Web two-dot-oh land can give ya whiplash.

The place won't be the same.

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Arizona Republic (an) -- Leaders on edge over lingerie, fetish themes

Um, rich people like to fuck and have the money to spend on stuff like this?

"The 3rd annual Arizona Fetish Prom requires no city permits, so as long as the event planners adhere to other Arizona laws there's nothing local officials can do to stop the event at downtown's Venue of Scottsdale.

But that doesn't mean they aren't voicing their displeasure.

"I don't think that's a good or appropriate image for Scottsdale," said Councilman Tony Nelssen."

...

Nelssen and a few others said that tourism advertising aimed at gays and lesbians by the Scottsdale Convention & Visitors Bureau may have something to do with the city's sexy image.

"When you have a web site catering to alternative lifestyles, why not fetishes?" Nelssen asked."

What a fucking prude! Oh well, he had to do something to get his temple permit renewed for the year.

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Wednesday, May 23, 2007

the photo on the side of the bed - a joke

After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another Man on her nightstand by the bed.
He begins to worry.. "Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.
"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be Reassured.
"No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!" she answers.
"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.
"That's me before the surgery."

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Tuesday, May 22, 2007

transformed again

I swear my hair was going to take on a life of its own. Been meaning to get it cut since late last week. I'll be complete when I get my brows waxed, perhaps this weekend. But something had to be done about the hair.

Now, my ex who I was referring to in the last post.. we're still good friends. But I cannot BELIEVE what he will spend on a haircut! (His last health and beauty extravaganza included botox, much to my surprise.)

As an off to the side note, botox has an off-label use. Seems its an effective long-acting antiperspirant.

But I digress. So the ex spends a fortune on various hair things. As for me, the chain places are just fine. You go to someplace like a Supercuts and get your hair cut the way you want it and highlights done, all for about fifty-five bucks! And thats what I did this evening. Blond highlights are wonderful for covering up gray. Pity they're too far from my stomach to minimize it.

And oh, I know. I rag on various people about "he is such a metro..."

That's not really me. I'm all gay. I'm not exactly a stereotype but there are aspects that I suppose could be described as metro... but my edges are too rough damnit.

I'm hoping the dog groomer will have availability later this week. It's shaggy's turn for a makeover.

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families with lots of kids and documentaries about them

Amongst all the mind-rotting crap that I pay a hundred bucks a month for, the so-called Discovery Health channel sucked me in. No, not for the commericals for various home products... but the spate of shows about families with huge amounts of kids.

Now, I would not be a great parent. If I had a kid he would be the one the other kids aren't allowed to play with, or at least not at his house. He'd be the kid allowed to watch anything on TV and the accompanying earthy vocabulary etc.

Having lots of kids due to a fertility clinic... ok, it happens. I can relate a little bit to that family because there are aspects of their life in the TV show that were even remotely familiar.

But this other one that has the perma-pregnant woman and her daughters in the dowdy frocks with the home schooling... wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee. The whole sickeningly sweet on-fire-for-god thing is a little much to watch, along with the fourteen (or was it fifteen... or sixteen...) little fashion violations. Talk about a case for spaying and neutering.

But its refreshing to see these families trot out their life stories for whatever is in it for them. Now, this might sound jaded or whatever, but its the way things seem to work in the 500-channel universe. Reality TV has to fill it because you can only cost-effectively create just so much drama, right?

I've seen how it works. See, way back in the late 1990's boy met boy. (I was one of 'em so LISTEN UP, m'kay?) We decided to go get civil unioned in Vermont. Seems our justice of the peace was in cahoots with one of the cable channels and the producers of The Wedding Story contacted us to see about having our civil union be a show.

Now I need to ask a rhetorical question of my readers. Those of you who are divorced, what do you feel when you watch those wedding videos? I'm going to go out on a limb that if you had to choose between watching that and watching an hour of Barney, you'd proabably pick Barney, right?

We would have had a bunch of video of the trip from Minneapolis up to Vermont by way of Boston. It would have been boiled down to half an hour so that all of middle america could've said, "Hey Myrtle get back here in the trailer so you can watch these two faggots ensure they're gonna burn in hell." Or asked, "Which one's the woman? Shouldn't one of 'em be wearing a dress?!"

So when I got the fax from the producer of the show, I went home to my (now-) ex and said - do you want to do this. He left it up to me. I didn't want to be a sideshow. So we declined and did our thing privately without middle america and their TV's along for the ride.

But this is what entertainment is coming to. I saw the word "irritainment" this evening in the context of a blogger who puts the very public bits of his foreclosures out on the net for the world to see. I won't identify him because he's getting quite enough traffic!

The media mix has come a long way from, ok its summer time so its just going to be reruns on TV. Yeah, as if those three channels count for much of anything...

Oh well, back to the irritainment I'm watching now.

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dog training

I've had a dog now for nearly two months. She's definitely decided she is "my" dog (or I am "her" person, not sure which). Anyway, I'm teaching her some new things. She naturally will pick up her leash and bring it to me when I arrive home from work, so I've associated that with "bring me your leash." She's learning.

The other "fun" one is this - she gets all excited of course when I ask her if she wants to go outside. I still ask her this from time to time so she remembers the "right" way to say it. But I'm adding a new phrase she associates with going outside. I ask her, "Do you want some pussy?" in place of asking if she wants to go outside. It's disgusting but funny as hell to see her get all excited when asked that...

Yes, I'm a twisted SOB. Deal with it. Life's too short for "normal."

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Florida youths threaten homeland security

I am utterly unsurprised by this happening in Polk County, Florida. Seems a couple of kids stole a box of condoms and the local yokels thought it worthy of a crimestoppers poster. Betcha we see these kids next on the Today show with the reporter asking questions starting with "Did you ever think..."

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/0522071wanted1.html

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US Airways' CIO, on funeral plans

After the troubles that US Air / America West travelers had with the airline's merger-induced IT integration problems, they sent this out in a newsletter to frequent flyers:

"...we upgraded the software so it works in most cases. But "most cases" isn’t enough, so we’ve ordered 600 new kiosks, with the first 100 arriving in June. Added to a base of 800, that’s a lot of kiosks. In fact, it may even leave one extra, since our CIO, Joe Beery says he’d like to be buried in a kiosk."

I bet there are some inconvenienced passengers that would be willing to help make that a reality. ;)

Missives from the office building management company

Seen in an email that went out (no pun intended) this morning:

"There was an unusual odor reported this morning in and around the men’s room."

Someone must've had a big dinner last night...

Monday, May 21, 2007

How NOT to welcome your new co-workers to Web two dot oh land

This is an obviously edited version of an email that actually circulated within a Web 2.0 company that we'll call Widgets ;) The author got the ax.

"First off let me personally welcome you to the Glendale office of Widgets. You obviously decided to go with the lowest paying job on the west side so for that I must say, NICE JOB! With five or six hard years of work at Widgets, maybe some day you too can make exactly what you did the day you started. Allow me to acquaint you with your co-workers. I realize coming into a new company is tough, so I'd like to give you a run down of the others around you as I'm sure this will help you acclimate nicely.

Tootie: Very nice girl but she has a severe David Hasselhoff fetish (we are trying to get her committed but we can't find a straight jacket small enough.)

Dave: Jo, watch out for this guy... he is do damn handsome that I think half the guys in the accounting department have asked him out... seriously. He is straight but I'm not sure about anyone in the accounting department. :)

That Marshall Mathers dude: Just stay away from him. If stupid people did not live among us... well, he would not be here for a start.

Natalie: Loves bad language, feel free to swear around her constantly. Likes the taste of soap... go figure.

George (Jefferson): He is the BOSS, if you say hi to him you might get fired. I don't recommend any contact at all (you have been warned)

Maude: We fired her three months ago and she still keeps coming in... can't figure out why? (she looked at George cross-eyed)

Willis: In charge of hazing all new employees. Enjoys new employees paying for all his drinks at happy hour. (yes, Einstein, this is a hint).

Again, welcome to Widgets and feel free to come back to the accounting department at any time if you need anything at all (like recommendations on where they serve the coldest beer at lunch time).

Best, Willis Drummond
Vice President of Refunds

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George Foreman on good advice

When someone asks me, “Where do you get good advice?” I tell them, “Down on my knees!”

Perhaps it's different for George. Strangely, advice I get while in that position is much more short-term.

He's referring to prayer of course - which leads to a really fuckin' scary thought... was the George Foreman grill divinely inspired? Is this ALL god has in store for us in this millenium? (other than Jerry Falwell, may he rest in hell)

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Friday, May 11, 2007

Sprint data card + Slingbox + Macbook

Wow, this is cool. I get 1.2 mbps download at my desk at work. Have my Macbook here and have it running slingplayer and have spent the day listening (well watching a little, too ;) ) to TV and totally bypassing the office network. :)

$65 a month seems a little steep for unlimited access... but chew on this: a Sprint CDMA phone call takes up about 13 kilobits of bandwidth and they charge like, what 10 cents a minute to the prepaid folks? I've been downloading at 520 kilobits (like 20 phone calls simultaneously something like that) for 7 hours....

This is possible with Verizon as well but they get cranky when you go above some number of gigabytes. Sprint so far doesn't seem to care from what I've read.

Here's the speed test results:

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on fish...

Give a man a fish and he will be back for more. Slap him with a fish and he will go away forever.

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Wednesday, May 09, 2007

"I don't need Dr. Kevorkian, I have an HMO!"

I saw that on a bumper sticker and almost spit my latte all over the inside of the windshield.

Yeah, like I drink fuckin' latte - ugh. Diet coke, please.

And that message is SO spot on about HMO's. Once upon a time in the deep dark past I was the appointment scheduler and billing clerk in a radiation therapy ward. Aside from having to ask questions the goddamn doctors should have asked (such as: "Which breast do you need the mammogram on ma'am?" - because one had been removed but she had a prosthesis on one side...) I had to be the bearer of the wonderful news about HMO's.

"Your HMO has declined coverage on this treatment, Sir. If we are to proceed I need to have you sign this additional financial responsibility form. You will be billed $30,000 per treatment for the course of 24 treatments."

I usually had my finger near the three adjacent speed dial buttons - one for the nursing station (in case they passed out then and there), one for the social worker (if they hadn't quite multiplied 30 grand times 24 or were in denial about it or just in tears), and one for security in case they went postal. This is not to minimize the tragedy of what those people were undoubtedly feeling, I've just had the conversation from the one side of the desk about 20 times involving different five-figure multipliers.

If it was me on the receiving end of that news I'd need the nurse.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

bowflex home gym

No, I didn't get suckered into the TV commercials for the $1000 version of the bowflex home gym. Instead I got it for $300 on craigslist. It was a beeyatch to take apart and put into my car, a beeeyatch to move into my apartment but not very difficult to assemble. I did my first small workout on it tonight, then took the dog for yet another walk. But I'm so glad I have this home gym equipment, its a way better feeling to buy something good for cheap rather than sign up for a gym, sit thru the sales pitch, blablabla. Then I'd pay every month and look at the amount and feel bad about not going. Now its right here. :)

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There's a special place in hell for insurance companies - kafkaesque billing

I have the misfortune of having had United Healthcare for insurance coverage. So with the new job I've switched to Blue Cross, but Blue Cross has decided to do an inquisition into all my previous medical records to fish for any proof of a pre-existing condition.

I wish them lotsa luck getting my records from December 2003 - June 2005. Uruguayan hospitals (it's all called a hospital even though it looks and acts like an HMO) don't really keep patient records. If you have a test or an x-ray - it's yours. They store very little and its your responsibility to keep all the paperwork together. I destroyed it all before I left the country, no point keeping anything. Any blood tests or anything like that really can't be trusted because they don't properly handle the reagents. Things that would get a CT scan in the USA would get an ultrasound in Uruguay. I actually had had an ultrasound done of my stomach and was joking with the guy doing the test asking him if the baby was normal and was it a boy or a girl.

But all joking aside... this is some fucked up stuff. So Blue Cross is doing the inquisition and will probably decline to pay a whole bunch of bills. My intention had been, ok, fuck 'em... I'm going to pay for one more month of COBRA coverage from my previous employer.

But I put it off. UHC's billing system is kafkaesque. If your payment is due for the month of March, the due date will be March 31st. You'll receive the bill mid-april. They will post the payment by the end of april. Crazy.

So last week before the calendar rolled over to may I called the two doctors in question to compare full cash price for service vs. the premium. The cash price was less. I was still having doubts about paying the bill, thought I should just do it.

I'm so glad I didn't. I got two notices in the mail today. One that the policy had been cancelled April 1st. The second was a bill for April and May. I AM SO GLAD I DID NOT SEND THEM A CHECK!!! I'd never see it back. As for their bill I will photocopy the cancellation and send it off return receipt requested. :) Byzantine.

Justification for the cancellation? Well your previous employer changed coverage, mumble mumble and its up to them to notify you what new option you have under Florida's COBRA law. Fucked up stuff...

I hope that someone, somewhere who works for an insurance company wakes up tomorrow morning to find that they've metamorphosed into a cockroach.

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Monday, May 07, 2007

just throw it in the trash - never mind it contains mercury

The City of Scottsdale's solid waste department just told me that they will not accept a waste item containing mercury - not unless I want to hang onto it until NOVEMBER. Other than that they told me pay a private party to dispose of it or "double bag it and put it in the trash, it shouldn't be a problem."

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mobile data and lots of it-

As much as I truly, madly, and deeply loathe SprintPCS... I ordered an Aircard 595U with a data plan. At work we have like a whole great big T1 (<----- sarcasm) for internet for the whole office that more than ten people have to share. It, um, sucks...

This way I can bring my Macbook with to work and stream BBC World off of Sky Mexico for background visuals all day long. :)

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a Quinceañera?

No, it wasn't that but I sure thought so. The neighbors are hispanic and had a birthday party for their son this evening. A small gathering, only about 90 people. It was fun to watch as I unloaded my gym equipment from the car (it took 45 minutes to shlep that thing from the parking lot into the house!!). The dog was going nuts because she could hear the music and everything and wanted to be included.

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gettin' that bowflex body...

Yeah right, we'll see ;) But seriously, took the first step and bought one. No, not brand new with billions of dollars of payments but a used one at a very reasonable price!

Yeah i know shiny gadgets is hardly a bowflex... but am I really going to have a category for gym equipment when i don't have thousands of square feet for more? I mean seriously, 25 set-top-boxes could fit in the footprint of this thing. But I've normalized my classification scheme for my blog and now must live with it... whatever :)

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